And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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