found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
