Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We are all done wearing pants today
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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