We need to rekindle our bromance
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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