it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
