they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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