Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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