no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
