I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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