I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
