Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
