butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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