Midget sex pt 2 tonight
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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