hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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