If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
