wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
