i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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