She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
