i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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