I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
