Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
