look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize