Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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