I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
