possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
