What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
