it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
