I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Drake has all the answers
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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