i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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