I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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