everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize