dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
