tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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