he wants to bone in the snuggie
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
