is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
