The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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