I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
