idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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