Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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