I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
