Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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