Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
