I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
