i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
