Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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