I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
