The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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