..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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