Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
