it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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