When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
