just tell him i said nine months
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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