if you like me you must not know who I am
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i love accidental penises.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
