and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
