Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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