i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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