Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
