Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I have already put on my inside pants.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
