Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
