Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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