So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
