my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Randomize
