he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
