Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
