This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
