oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
