What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
