it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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