: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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