You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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