So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
