I am puke
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
