Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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