you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
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I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
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I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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