im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
