Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
