you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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