Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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