I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
