I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I need to calm my uterus...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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