you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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